Love is easy to find; staying in love is the hard part.
*Editor’s note: initials and anonymity have been used to respect the privacy of sources.
Story by Sabrina Martinez
The season finale of “The Bachelor” premieres tonight and we are all waiting in anticipation to see who will win Nick’s heart (fingers crossed it’s Raven). There can only be one girl in Nick’s life and knowing that Rachel will go on to be the next bachelorette, that leaves Vanessa or Raven headed for heartbreak. How does Nick know that he is in love with one of these girls and how will he break it to the other women that they just don’t make the cut?
Following the love stories between Nick and these women have put us through a rollercoaster of emotions, especially since Nick changes his mind all too quickly. His dates with Raven make us crave love but his goodbyes with Christina and Corinne us why so many people would rather avoid it.
Since “The Bachelor” has got love on our minds, here are the stories of students at the University of Texas who have fallen in love, only to fall out of it.
M.D. met his love through mutual friends, and found that not having a lot in common with each other made their conversations even more special. “It was so easy for me to fall in love with her because I loved who she was as a person,” M.D. says. “She was strong minded, she was compassionate, she was loving, she had the greatest laugh and she had a way of loving people and loving life that you really don’t see anymore.”
The two dated for three years living in different cities, him in Austin, and her in San Antonio, but last semester, his love story came to an end. “She wasn't being her normal self,” M.D. says. “I questioned her on why she had been acting so weird, but she would tell me that everything was fine. Then one night she called me crying telling me how sorry she was. She told me that she didn’t love me the same anymore, that she had been falling out of love with me for a long time and how during this time she cheated on me. She told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore. I didn’t know what to do. My best friend and my girlfriend just told me she didn’t want me anymore. I was broken, I was hysterical.”
R.F. and her ex met in middle school. They started dating the summer leading up to the eighth grade. “He was my first kiss, my first real relationship, my first real everything,” R.F. says.
As they got older, they spent all their time together which led to them drifting away from their friends. “His true colors started to show when we were around friends,” R.F. says. “He acted like he was better than everyone else. No matter what he said he didn’t take people’s feelings into consideration, including mine. He was mean. He would say degrading stuff, almost belittling me.”
Between freshman and sophomore years of high school, her ex cheated on her. “As soon as I found out he came crying and asking for me back,” R.F. says.
She believed that he would be better and took him back. “I thought we were better, because our relationship was good for a while after that, but it was always in the back of my mind,” R.F. says.
She assumed that they’d stay together since they had been apart of each other’s lives for so long and even made a choice to come to UT together. He broke up with her two days after graduation because he felt that he never got to experience what being single was like. “He would be mean to me and it made it hard to stay together and I realized later that he was doing it so that I’d break up with him,“ R.F. says. ”I don't feel anything for him now but I miss the memories. I miss who he was back then before he turned into who he is now.”
This student met his love through social media and felt an instant connection. “We liked all the same things, watched all the same movies,” he says. “We both had Star Wars ringtones on our phones. We were both engineering majors. She was a dancer, I was a singer. We both loved performing.” .
Summer came and their love story came to an abrupt halt as distance nudged its way between them. “Over the course of a month, she slowly stopped loving me, and then she gave up on me completely,” he says. “I didn't wanna let go, so she stopped being nice about it, I said things that I will never forget, because they broke my heart, but somehow I still wanted to love her.”
He has come to terms with how his relationship ended, though he is still finding it hard to let anyone new in.
This student met her love through mutual friends at a community college in North Carolina. “We met three months before he got out of the Marine Corps,” B.R. says. “I knew he was moving back to Kansas but we decided to date anyway, before he left we came very close to eloping. It was something that we said but never did.”
They became very close and comfortable and would act as they were married. “I was always cooking him dinner and staying with him every night,” B.R. says.
But the day came to move back to Kansas and the distance between them took a toll on their relationship eventually leading them to break up. “A week before Valentine’s last year, he invited me to Kansas to stay with him and his family.”
She said she had a great weekend and that everything was perfect. ”When I flew back to North Carolina, I texted him when I landed and he replied ‘okay’, then stopped talking to me.”
He blocked her on Facebook after two months and when she would text him he would just read them and not reply. He gave her his one of his chevrons, two pins on the collar of their uniform that represented his rank as Corporal, which was a tradition in the Marine Corps. When she sent it back he started texting and calling her everyday. “I begged him to leave me alone,” B.R. says. “All I wanted was an explanation and an apology.”
Recently, he texted her to apologize and tell her that he has an explanation for the ways that things ended, but hasn’t replied after that. “I do feel better cause I got an apology, but I really just wanted closure. But the apology was a start so that I can start closing that chapter.”
B.S. met her boyfriend several years ago, but only starting dating about a year and a half ago. He was a graduate from UT and she was beginning her first year here. “We fell for each other rather hard and fast, not thinking about the consequences or the what if's,” B.S. says. “We were in love, we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, the whole deal.”
He was everything that she wanted: smart, funny, trustworthy, caring and attractive. It was no wonder why she fell for him. “A couple months into the relationship I began to realize why his other relationships didn't work out,” B.S. says. “It's funny because he always blamed it on the girls, but I found that was just his coping mechanism. He became very controlling and disapproving of my friends, never wanting me to go out with them or do anything without him. He was very condescending about anything we disagreed on, whether it be politics or the best pizza in town. He made me feel small and insignificant for believing something that differed from his beliefs, and it took a toll.”
She admits that her relationship progressed into emotional abuse and her prince charming began to call her crazy and worthless. “I tried not to let it get to me, but anyone who has been subject to that behavior understands it is not easy to let go. My family and friends urged me to leave, but when I tried he became very aggressive and threatened to hurt himself. I felt trapped and scared, so I stayed anyways. It seems weak, but it's never an easy decision. I finally found the courage to leave and trust that he would be okay.”
When he found out she had moved on and started to date someone knew, he became aggressive forcing her to take legal action. “Our fallout was extreme and dangerous, but I want to share it so that other people can recognize the signs of an abusive (whether it be physically or emotionally) relationship and get themselves help before it spirals out of control,” B.S. says. “I don't regret being with him because I learned a lot about myself and others and grew immensely, but I definitely regret the bad blood that still rests between us.”
If you find yourself in an abusive relationship seek help at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center in the SSB on the fifth floor or call the crisis line at 512-471-CALL (2255). Visit this website for more information on counseling and services.