Holiday Songs for the Existentialist

Whether you’re struggling with finals or feeling seasonal depression, these holiday songs will reaffirm the pure hopelessness and loss of meaning, while simultaneously keeping your December traditions alive.

By Laiken Neumann

“Last Christmas” - Wham!

Once again, cuffing season is upon us and yet again, you are stuck holding your own hand while ice skating. Normally, you wouldn’t subscribe to the idea of relying on a significant other to have fun, but Wham!’s “Last Christmas” only highlights the failures of your past relationships and the lack of the “someone special” who really deserves your heart. This song is the epitome of the holiday season. The upbeat tune builds a facade over the underlying loneliness that leaves you crying in the kitchen at midnight as you sneak a few gingerbread cookies. Before you know it, the gingerbread people are gone and you are, once more, truly alone.

“Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer” - Dean Martin

This classic tale of a North Pole misfit rings a little too close to home. Your childhood trauma and difficulty making friends comes flooding in faster than you can pour a glass of eggnog. While Rudolph gets his happy ending, you were never accepted by peers, causing you to drop out of middle school for an online school program where you spent most of your days alone. No? Just me? Okay.

“Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” - Jackson 5

While many find joy in the sweet Motown melodies of five Jackson brothers, for you, any mention of Santa Claus evokes a certain loneliness that only arises when you remember your current lack of childlike wonder that once framed your world. At least when you believed in Santa, you believed in something. Now you can’t even believe in your academic ability. This semester has made you question whether you’re as intelligent as you thought you were. You just wish Santa would bring you a 4.0 GPA for Christmas.

“Silent Night” - Mariah Carey

When you really think about it, the holiday season will be anything but silent for you. You’ll be spending most of your time around your passive-aggressive family members and will be subjected to endless conversations about post-graduation plans. If you had a dollar for everytime a family member asked you “So what are you going to do with a (fill in the blank with your major which you have changed three times, but still “lacks practicality”) degree?,” you could have already paid off your student loans.

“Thank God It’s Christmas” - Queen

This Christmas classic reminds us of the “troubled days” of this “long hard year.” Yet, it (very unsurprisingly) reveals an optimistic view of the holiday season. You may be questioning the existence of a higher power, but as Freddie Mercury’s all-powerful vocal cords belt out “Thank God It’s Christmas,” you can’t help but soulfully shout along. Maybe the holidays won’t be so bad after all.

Whatever you do or do not celebrate, try to enjoy yourself this time of year. It can be increasingly difficult with the changes in weather, family drama, finals, or the feeling of impending doom in general. Go ahead and have a pity party with these songs, but don’t forget to add your favorite song to the queue, holiday-themed or not. It might help make the doom feel a little less impending.