10 Reasons Not to Vote

Story by Aiden Park

Illustrations by Ryan Hicks

1. You were offered a multimillion-dollar acting contract in Bollywood and have to fly out immediately.

It would totally be reasonable not to vote if you got the chance to join Indian cinema.



2. Beyoncé called and asked if you could be Blue Ivy’s person babysitter, effective ASAP.

You couldn’t pass up on the dream job to end all dream jobs.


3. You got home to realize your dog just ate an entire bowl of Hershey's Kisses.

We all hope you would go to the vet instead of vote.


4.  A window washer fell on you from the 13th story of a skyscraper, rendering you immobile.

A freak accident like that would definitely count as an excuse.


5. You got stuck in a 70-car pile up on Mopac.

Crazy traffic like that would not be surprising in Austin.


6. Your apartment flooded, while simultaneously catching on fire.


7. You're snowed in after a freak early-November blizzard slams Texas.

This would actually be wonderful, albeit unlikely.



8. You contracted an extremely rare strain of the bubonic plague.

It’s best for everyone who is waiting to vote if you stayed your distance.


9. You just won a free trip to Mars that departs on the 8th.

How often does this really happen? It’s practically a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.


10. You suddenly fall into a coma.

Point is, there are barely any good excuses not to vote if you’re registered.