Live from Fly By South By

Spring is on the horizon, the temperatures are warmer (let’s ignore global warming for a second), and SXSW is upon us. Once again, I have had to RSVP a regretful “sorry, but no.” This makes it the millionth year in a row in which I have not braved the lively, but beastly festival.

Story by Zoya Zia

Unfortunately, my spring break will not be filled with technological, interactive, musical genius. Others will also stay home, far from the traffic. But there is hope. I took it upon myself to plan an alternate extravaganza, one completely within the confines of your room. Welcome to 2016’s Fly By South By (stylized as FXSX).

Friday, March 11

11:00 a.m. Consider camping outside the airport to catch President Obama, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

11:15 a.m. While in traffic, plan ways to convince him to ditch SXSW for FXSX.

2:15 p.m. Give up, but you’re ready for the next time Barack is in town.

Saturday, March 12 and Sunday, March 13

Spring break took forever to come, but now that it’s here, recover from the semester through naps. Ignore any and all responsibilities.

Monday, March 14

11:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. Look at Snapchats and watch your friends meet your favorite celebrities. It’s okay, we still have the whole week ahead. Don’t be afraid to shed a tear or two! The fun is on its way.

Tuesday, March 15

6:00 a.m. Watch the sunrise. It’s a new day.

6:05 a.m. Go back to sleep. Waking up was a bad idea.

1:00 p.m. After hearing about the amazing eats available at SXSW, look around your room for

any spare snacks. Goldfish will do. Throw Goldish in the air and try to catch them in your mouth.

6:00 p.m. Watch the sunset. It’s a new night.

6:05 p.m. Go back to sleep. Being awake was a bad idea.

Wednesday, March 16

11:00 a.m. Watch the fan spin around the ceiling- it’s just like you, a fan who hasn’t met any celebrities this week.

12:00 a.m. Coordinate two amazing FXSX outfits, changing them based on how hot or cold it is in your room.

2:30 p.m. Start creating Spotify playlists for the parties you’re going to (throw for yourself) these next few nights.

4:30 p.m. Start making a FXSX wristband and badge.

6:30 p.m. Tell your friends you’re too busy to hang out and are working on important things.

7:30 p.m. Maybe do some of the homework that one professor assigned over break….maybe…

11:00 p.m. Netflix wins, again.

Thursday, March 17

9:00 a.m. Wake up a little earlier than usual, because today is all about anticipating FXSX’s most important day.

10:00 a.m. Have breakfast in bed and wear sunglasses indoors.

2:00 p.m. After hours of mindless Youtube surfing, get ready to DJ with your first Spotify playlist.

2:05 p.m. Start with Zayn’s latest song.

2:08 p.m. Play again.

2:11 p.m. And again.

7:11 p.m. How have you listened to this song for 5 hours?!?

7:15 p.m. Resume your playlist and watch an independent film on Netflix.

9:15 p.m. Watch another independent film — these are unique,special and are guaranteed to take your mind off the fact that you aren’t at the festival which must not be named.

11:15 p.m. For FXSX’s first late night show, find live performance videos from SXSW in years’ past. Put the videos on full-screen and blast the music.

11:16 p.m. A little quieter—your dog is sleeping.

Friday, March 18

1:00 p.m. Although SXSW will go on for another couple of days, today is the final day of our festival! And you woke up three hours late.

2:00 p.m. Put on the best outfit you have and take mirror selfies. Be sure to post three on Twitter and one on Instagram.

2:15 p.m. Snapchat some selfies. It’s important that FXSX gets the media coverage it deserves.

4:15 p.m. Play your second and third Spotify playlists back to back.

5:00 p.m. Tap through the SXSW snapchat as fast as you can.

5:30 p.m. Pay Netflix a visit.

5:35 p.m. But before you can Netflix, you need food. You’ll have to leave the room for once.

5:45 p.m. Find a cooking show and learn how to make lasagna. You haven’t had that in a while.

6:10 p.m. You forget that the lasagna was in the oven and it feels the burn. Play your melancholy Spotify playlist.

6:30 p.m. Order pizza.

7:00 p.m. Tell the delivery guy “you too!” after he says “enjoy your pizza.”

10:20 p.m. Netflix.

11:59 p.m. What?! FXSX is over?! That quickly?! You’ll have to pay better attention next year.