Your Definitive Ranking of Fall Foods

Fall is here! If we didn’t live in Texas, we would be  enjoying crisp October mornings and colored leaves. But since we’re still sweating, all we really have to remind us of autumn is food. Bask in this ranking of  10 popular fall foods, from treats to (gross) tricks.

By Nicole Farrell

10. Apple cider

Apple cider is good, y’all. I can’t even bring myself to get cynical about it. I love it cold, and I love it warm and spiced. Pro tip: for those 21 and over, you can drink it hard.

9. Pumpkin-flavored anything

Some things should be subjected to the iron grip of pumpkin spice, such as hummus or beef jerky. Some people love to hate on the “basic” girls who love their PSLs at Starbucks. But for the most part, pumpkin flavor is pretty OK. Think bread, muffins, pie and lattes.

8. Candy corn

Everyone gives this (almost sickly) sweet, tiny candy a bad rap, but it’s not horrible. I get really excited when I see it in grocery stores. It gets me nostalgic and excited to wear denim jackets. I have a big bag of it sitting in my room now, mostly untouched, but I’m sure I’ll get around to eating it all eventually.

Also, did you know that if you put the pieces together, they look like a corn cob, hence the name “candy corn?”

7. Caramel apples

Sure, they’re a little childish, and the caramel sticks to your teeth like crazy and the apple underneath tastes fake. But if you want to be more sophisticated, you can get them rolled in fancy nuts. There’s a world of possibilities! Caramel apples are seasonal donuts.

6. Butternut squash soup

Butternut squash is smooth and buttery.Very fall-esque, but it’s weird that it’s kind of sweet. You’re expecting a savory hot liquid to warm you up, but instead you get something in between dinner and dessert.

5. Old Halloween candy

It’s good and exciting from the 31st to maybe the 5th of November, but after that, you just want candy with the regular wrapper, not covered in cartoon spiders and ghosts. And by the week after, you’re stuck with the third-rate candy anyways.

4. Flavored nuts/seeds

A handful of cinnamon pecans or flavored pumpkin seeds is alright, but no one wants like a bag or a bucket of this. I love you, Grandma, but you can’t keep sending me buckets and buckets of these.

3. Popcorn balls

So you took a good thing and decided to lump it all together with something sticky? Why???

2. Peanut brittle

Something is off when it comes to this snack. It’s a good concept, but why is it so hard? Why do I have to risk a trip to the dentist every time I want a bite? All that work for something that isn’t even that great.

1. Fruitcake

Fall means a lot of holidays are approaching, and that means that your well-intentioned older relative is going to start bringing this monstrosity wherever she goes. Run while you can, you’ve been warned.